Choo Has Boo-Boo, Mazara Woo!
The Rangers called up their super-prospect, Nomar Mazara (3-for-4 and a solo homer). That's super *prospect*, Hillary Clinton fans. Don't worry, not the word that is also a title of an Arnie, Carl...
View ArticleCards Pull A Hazelbaker Out Of Their Ludwicks
I don't know where it's coming from with Jeremy Hazelbaker, so I called Keith Morrison of Dateline to investigate. He went to St. Louis to investigate and left me this message, "Here, in bucolic St....
View ArticlePerkins’ Flap Jacked, Jepsen Steps In
Glen Perkins hit the DL with a shoulder strain. Or, for those of you who have Siri read these posts to them, "Sorry, Grey, there's no set closers in the Minnesota area, would you like to open up your...
View ArticleBuy Semien If You Got A Low MI Count
Marcus Semien was so grateful to be the 2nd week's Buy lede that Semien shot up, overcome, thanking people in spurts. First, Semien said he had to give a hand to Reddick. Then Semien said, as much as...
View ArticlePen In Cincinnati WKRaP
Bryan Price, always one for colorful language, should go full Tony Montana about his relievers, "Look at that, I got a junkie bullpen, mang. My bullpen is so polluted! I can't even have a save with...
View ArticleCloser Report, Week 3 – Chasing The SAGNOF
At some point, you look at your roster, then look at yourself in the mirror and the repeat that 31 more times and ask yourself this question... When is chasing saves from the worst possibilities a bad...
View ArticleA’s All Up In Rookie’s Mane
"'I need a bouncy C. Not a bouncy castle!' Billy Beane screams into his headset, when an intern interrupts him and his daughter, practicing her guitar, while they are both on a treadmill. The intern...
View ArticleRazzNasty League Update: Mentok The Mind Taker
There's embarrassment and then there's having to cover in detail a fantasy baseball league you're nearly dead last in. So begins our first monthly update on the in house dynasty league "The RazzNasty"....
View ArticleOh That Pop Is Murph
Daniel Murphy is the hottest homophobe since Kirk Cameron got three offers in one week for three different Christian movies, "A Behind...Left Behind," "Groundhog's Day Is For Satanists, God Makes The...
View ArticleCloser Report, Week 5: Rock Pile Of K/9 Misery
Ugh, the smell of my onsies de Mayo is so much worse than a normal day. I reek of sizzlin' fajitas and am all cotton-mouthed from... well let's just say alcohol. So attacking the usual Saturday...
View Article(Dy)Sunrise, (Tolle)Sunset
Tolleson had his cookies tossed for the last time on Tuesday. Or maybe Shawn Tolleson caused his owners' cookies to be tossed? Sounds too passive, said Flesch-Kincaid, but you get the idea. By the...
View ArticleCloser Report, Week 7 – Call On Me, Colome
Besides that Eric Prydz catchy a** song, the bullpen situation/decision in Tampa is drawing nearer and dearer to our closer hearts. The return of the "Box" is coming, and it drums in the deep. Now we...
View ArticleDevon Travis > Goins/Barney Travesty
Devon Travis was activated from the DL yesterday (1-for-4, 1 run). Be interesting to see what he can do in his return from shoulder surgery. Shoulder surgery never really stopped anyone from doing...
View ArticlePoints Leagues: Great Britton
Okay, if I'm being honest, what I've attempted to do in this post is completely experimental. While based on statistics it's really just a wild attempt to calculate which closers are bringing home the...
View ArticleNat Turner’s Treabellion
You wanna know frustration? Of course, you do. You play fantasy baseball! We've chosen a hobby that is the least relaxing hobby possible. May as well have a hobby of picking cheese off mousetraps....
View ArticleCloser Report, Week 9 – Jazzy Jeff And Will The Thrill
Situations arise all the time with closers. Injuries occur, poor performance, and then the return of the incumbent. In the preseason, Will Smith was the guy the Brewers had tabbed as the closer....
View ArticleCloser Report, Week 11 – Perkins? Should Have Went to Shoney’s
The save buffet line in Minnesota is becoming a tiresome "wait-and-see who gets the chance today". We all sit there and wait to own all the bullpen condiments that they offer, whether it be Brandon...
View ArticleCloser Report, Week 13: My Father The Fish
So this year, like so many before, the closer trade market is always an interesting cocktail mixer of events that shake things up. The Padres waited to be first, which makes zero sense... but also...
View ArticleRazznasty League Update: Can’t Truss It!!
Sometimes you ask and you shall receive and in that vein, I begin this month's Razznasty update. Now I know the two questions you're asking, what did you ask for and receive? And which vein? First,...
View ArticleCloser Report: Second Half Rankings
I am always a day late and a buck short on the posts because I am relegated to be the Saturday morning cartoon of the Razzball variety. No worries, I mean, who doesn't love 80's cartoons and can't...
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